In another case which was referred by the family court to the Bangalore Mediation centre was for Divorce by mutual consent.
The parties were a young couple working in the IT Industry. They had a son of 8 years. The new job that the mother took up needed her to travel. They were all set to manage between them. The trouble started when the relatives staying around them started interfering. The wife was made to feel guilty for leaving the husband and the son for days.
Matters would not settle down and situations kept worsening to such an extent that they ended up filing for a case for divorce by mutual consent in the Family court. What was a house hold dispute would get discussed before the an audience in the courts. This did not help the parties in anyway. At this stage the Judge of the family court referred the matter for Mediation.
The parties at the mediation table were very uncomfortable, hurt, angry and very apprehensive. they had not had a discussion face to face for years. This the mediator sensed and from the word go she (a very experienced lady who is a grandmother) made the atmosphere light. The most important factor for the parties in a case in a mediation is to have faith in the mediator. In India people are not aware of what happens in a mediation proceeding. The parties expected that they will be counseled into staying together. Thus the opening statement is very crucial.
The mediator assured them that the entire proceedings would be completely confidential, and at any time they wanted they could stop the proceedings. She gave them the space, time, warmth needed for a relationship to heal. It was apparent that trust was absent between the parties. Both had moved on with their lives.
The mediator without preaching made them to understand the importance of a proper closure of the current relationship. So that they do not look back and regret, or nurture guilt or any anger which may pass on to the next relationship.
This made sense to the couple and they spoke to each other. Of course strong words and rage followed but the expertise of the mediator was apparent when she cooled the tempers and the couple could actually apologize to each other. Misunderstandings were getting cleared. But it was too late. Both knew that. A few joint and a few private sessions took place.
The couple did not get back but they were free of any emotional or psychological baggage that they might have carried. They parted as friends with maturity and grace. Simply because they talked it out.
If this matter would have been in a family court the parties would not have got an opportunity to speak there mind. Because the legal provisions in such cases have no such clause. The case would have gone on for at least 2 to 3 years. All the discussions, abusing would have happened in open court.
The mediators undergo rigorous training in various skills required and the centre at Bangalore has on going programs which help them to enhance there skills and learn newer techniques. (Will post more on the mediators role in subsequent posts.)
Not many are aware that cases can be handled the way they need to be. When its about relationships a lot of respect, care and compassion is needed. This the mediation provides.
