One of the "off the rulebook " mediation that took place was that of the mother of the lady whose divorce case was just settled and the mother was not taking it well.
The father and the lady who went through the mediation process for annulling the marriage requested the mediator who they had come to trust to help them by having a session with the mother who was very disturbed that her daughter actually went through a divorce.
It disturbed the mother that in her whole family no one had had a divorce and it shameful that 'her' daughter had to be the first one.
Added to her agony was that she had a younger daughter of marriageable age. It would be difficult to get her married in a good family as the reputation of the family is "spoilt" because of the elder daughter. The mother started having psychological problems and was on sleeping pills.
It is very typical situation the women face in India as the marriages take place between the families and not the couple. Even though there is a huge change in the scene in the cities. But even education has failed to uplift the thoughts of people as a whole. Its changing conversation to dwell deeper into this matter. However, this particular case was a tricky one as the mediator had to be a councilor.
The mediator who comes across as a warm friend shared with me that "I can only be a friend here.. this no one teaches but it is the attitude that we do everything to restore harmony in a family without intruding".
She gave her a patient hearing. The wisdom and experience of the mediator was evident as she asked the rest of the family to stay out of the mediation room. The mediator assured her that no one even her family if she wanted will know about the interaction.
The mother started speaking. I thought that probably for the first time in her life (mother) someone asked her her feelings, her thoughts her identity became important, valued. At first it was all about how - reputation of the family and - would people say. After getting assured of the confidentiality of the interaction the mother spoke of her own story again probably for the first time ..where she compromised all her life for the marriage that she did not want, to the carrer she gave up and how her life has been only a series of compromises in a huge joint family. She even said that she had opposed her daughters' marriage which fell on deaf ears.
The mother looked relieved after having talked her heart out. Here the mediator gently asked her if she would want her daughter to have a similar life. Whether she wants a daughter to be happy or suffer consequences of what is not her doing. Whether she would give her daughter what her mother could not. The mediator made the mother realize that she had to support her daughter more than before. If she ensures that her daughter stays happy and goes on well in life that very attitude will help the family in taking wiser decisions in future where the lives of both the daughters are concerned. This made a lot of sense.
She guided her to take steps to take charge of her own life by taking up some meditation classes or join friends groups. She also told her to avoid those relatives who will make her feel guilty in a nice casual Kannada. The tone of the mediator was kind and soft. It soothed the mother a lot.
When the rest of the family stepped in they were happy to see a smiling mother. I as an observer was wondering if such a thing was possible in the court halls. How many lives would have been saddened if the mediation option was not available.
The father and the lady who went through the mediation process for annulling the marriage requested the mediator who they had come to trust to help them by having a session with the mother who was very disturbed that her daughter actually went through a divorce.
It disturbed the mother that in her whole family no one had had a divorce and it shameful that 'her' daughter had to be the first one.
Added to her agony was that she had a younger daughter of marriageable age. It would be difficult to get her married in a good family as the reputation of the family is "spoilt" because of the elder daughter. The mother started having psychological problems and was on sleeping pills.
It is very typical situation the women face in India as the marriages take place between the families and not the couple. Even though there is a huge change in the scene in the cities. But even education has failed to uplift the thoughts of people as a whole. Its changing conversation to dwell deeper into this matter. However, this particular case was a tricky one as the mediator had to be a councilor.
The mediator who comes across as a warm friend shared with me that "I can only be a friend here.. this no one teaches but it is the attitude that we do everything to restore harmony in a family without intruding".
She gave her a patient hearing. The wisdom and experience of the mediator was evident as she asked the rest of the family to stay out of the mediation room. The mediator assured her that no one even her family if she wanted will know about the interaction.
The mother started speaking. I thought that probably for the first time in her life (mother) someone asked her her feelings, her thoughts her identity became important, valued. At first it was all about how - reputation of the family and - would people say. After getting assured of the confidentiality of the interaction the mother spoke of her own story again probably for the first time ..where she compromised all her life for the marriage that she did not want, to the carrer she gave up and how her life has been only a series of compromises in a huge joint family. She even said that she had opposed her daughters' marriage which fell on deaf ears.
The mother looked relieved after having talked her heart out. Here the mediator gently asked her if she would want her daughter to have a similar life. Whether she wants a daughter to be happy or suffer consequences of what is not her doing. Whether she would give her daughter what her mother could not. The mediator made the mother realize that she had to support her daughter more than before. If she ensures that her daughter stays happy and goes on well in life that very attitude will help the family in taking wiser decisions in future where the lives of both the daughters are concerned. This made a lot of sense.
She guided her to take steps to take charge of her own life by taking up some meditation classes or join friends groups. She also told her to avoid those relatives who will make her feel guilty in a nice casual Kannada. The tone of the mediator was kind and soft. It soothed the mother a lot.
When the rest of the family stepped in they were happy to see a smiling mother. I as an observer was wondering if such a thing was possible in the court halls. How many lives would have been saddened if the mediation option was not available.
